Mother Heart

Yesterday afternoon was beautiful, the perfect weather for playing outside. So that is what we did. The baby was taking a nap so The Silly One went to the park at the end of the street to play with some friends. The Small One stayed and played in front of the house. The Silly One ended up slipping on the playground and split his chin open, again. This happened about two and half years ago but riding bikes. It was a long evening from there as we went to the doctor (thank goodness for night clinics!) and got it stitched up. I guess once it happens it is easier to happen again in the future. He opened it right next to the first scar. 

When we finally got everyone home I had to go to the store to get the Silly One something for school today. When that was finished I was ready for bed myself. Trying to unwind, I kept thinking about how I accomplished all I did. Blood and gross stuff is not my strength. I'm very grateful for doctors and nurses who can take care of those things for my children. But as I was thinking about it I realized that it really is amazing what you can do for your child, especially when they are sick or hurt. Like that Mother Bear instinct that just kicks in and takes over. I then remembered a talk that Julie B. Beck gave about a "Mother Heart." I read it last night and came across a quote that fit exactly how I felt perfectly.

"There is no limit to what a woman with a mother heart can accomplish."

I am not trying to say look at what a great mother I am, not that at all because I see so many short comings and things I could do better on a constant basis. (I didn't even give him Tylenol to dull the pain before going to the doctor.) Simply that I love my children and there is power in that. Amazing things happen when that is the case and that is really what our children need. I saw it in my own mother last night as I called her to ask her to watch the youngest two and 

without hesitation she did. 

This was us last night as they cleaned it all out. It isn't a glamorous picture by any means. I actually thought my husband was taking the picture of just The Silly One. But as they numbed it we had to wait for it to kick in and I got to sit next to him on the table as he played on the ipad and showed me replays of EVERY race. I held his hand and looked away as they stuck things in his chin and stitched it up. (Taking deep breaths to not pass out, I said I was no good with this stuff.) He was fine and maybe didn't even need me, but I was glad I could be there with him. 

Being a mother isn't easy by any means but, 

"I know who I am, and I know what I am supposed to do. The rest just follows."

Babies Don't Keep

I have been thinking about my children and what I can do to teach them and help them a lot the last few days. I was even thinking about writing a blog post about it also. I went to church today and was able to attend Relief Society. The lesson just happened to be on families and parenthood. It was just what I needed. I recently (probably the last month or two) read an article about a mother struggling to care for her newborn. I could really relate, it can be so straining to care for a newborn and then add other children and responsibilities. Some things don't get done each day but the baby has needs that HAVE to be taken care of. There is no saying, "I'll get to it later" or "When I have more time . . " What I gained from the article was that this woman changed her perspective to that of caring for her baby was her job, that was her primary goal to accomplish day in and day out. She found that she got more joy out of her "job" when she thought of it that way.

My thoughts started this week when I was frustrated at the condition of my home. It was a disaster, you know tornado type disaster. The things I had accomplished that day were take my kids to swimming lessons, vacuum the family room, clean the toilets, make dinner, and watched my two nieces. We had a great time with them playing, my kids love their cousins. It sounds like a lot and actually is I guess but I was frustrated when I looked around and my house was still a mess. What did I expect when the whole house wasn't vacuumed, just one room. The bathrooms weren't clean, just the toilets. I then remembered a little poem my mom had hanging up when I was a child.

"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow, 

For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

Baby #1 about 4 months old

Baby #2 about 5 months old

Baby #3 - 5 months old

My 3 babies a month ago

It is true that babies don't keep, look at them! I was about in tears when I thought of that little poem. Am I missing the point? My job is to be a mother! I need to wake up. So that night I went into their rooms and looked at them and kissed them goodnight (again). They were so sweet and peaceful just sleeping.

I often use #IAmAMother when I post things because it explains so much. Kids are crazy and our days hardly go as I plan in my mind and that is ok. I started thinking how I want my kids to remember their mother. It is a big job but I hope each day will be better and we learn from each other. I'm not perfect, far from it! I just hope to keep trying and being able to learn and play with my little ones.

One quote I loved from today's lesson was, "Do you know why righteous mothers love their children so much? Because they sacrifice so much for them. We love what we sacrifice for and we sacrifice for what we love." My own mother told me this same thing several years ago and more and more I understand not only what she was saying but what she did for her family.

A little Busy

We've been a little busy around here as this little sweet pea joined our family over 7 weeks ago!

We love this baby sister!

Can you tell some boys just love being big brothers?

We love our little family of 5!

Christmas of Peace!

I have had a lot of thoughts going through my mind the last few weeks. I have thoroughly enjoyed this Christmas season and I was trying to figure out yesterday what the difference was. Last night my extended family gathered for our traditional Christmas Eve program/evening. My mom gave the Christmas message. She told several stories and talked about different messages of Christmas and how they can vary each year. As I contemplated on this I realized my personal message of Christmas this year has been peace. As soon as I write that I automatically think of the countless moments and days that were not peaceful in my house leading up to Christmas and I'm sure will continue in the future. I am a mother of two young boys with a little girl on the way. That is life and so much craziness comes with that, at least in our household!

I have tried to be really organized and not stressed out. (Being pregnant has caused me to, perhaps, over plan things.) I have tried to focus more on the Savior and not on all the projects and things I need to do. I started a tradition in our family last year that each day for family scripture study we read a story about Jesus starting with his birth and Christmas Eve is His resurrection. I tried to not pack our days but do several meaningful things. Was this really the difference? Honestly I am not sure. My visiting teacher came to visit last week and the message she shared was the Savior being the Prince of Peace. This part specifically touched me:

"'The Savior is the source of true peace,' said Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. 'Even with the trials of life, because of the Savior's Atonement and His grace, righteous living will be rewarded with personal peace.'"

As she shared that with me I immediately reflected on my day. The Smart One was working late, again, the boys were at that moment being crazy/loud and running, and I was tired. There was no peace surrounding me and yet I felt it through the spirit.

I am grateful for this wonderful Christmas Season to learn about and celebrate the Savior. He truly is the way to find joy and peace in our lives. Merry Christmas!

Positive Challenge - Day 5

Here we are at Day 5, five days later than day 4. There are positive things that happen each day and most are rather small but focusing on them helps make things better. Here we go:

1. Baseball game for FHE. We tried to go Saturday as part of our Summer Fun list but it was postponed because of the rain. I'm glad we finally made it tonight. 

2. I enjoy food and making it for my family (most of the time!). I especially love when my kids love what I make, today was a success with poppy seed muffins for breakfast and fish for dinner. 

3. Tomorrow I celebrate 8 years with this guy! 

This was us at the Ogden Temple open house a bit over a week ago. We got to celebrate Friday night which was great, tomorrow is the one Tuesday I work in August each year. Each year gets better and better, it has been a wonderful ride and I am excited for what the future will bring and that I have my best friend by my side. 

The letter Q

The Silly One was learning about the letter Q one day at school. They made a crown for the "Queens of the House." He was so excited to give it to me and I was happy to wear it. 

I often don't feel like a queen while cleaning up this and that, changing poop in pull-ups or countless other things that happen in a day. But hugs and love from my boys definitely make me feel closer to that!

Women and the LDS Church

I started a similar post last fall, it started to take a contentious tone so I stopped and never posted it. I hope that I can just convey my thoughts and opinions as a way of understanding. I feel the need to write down my feelings and thoughts no matter if no one else reads them. I know that not everyone agrees with me but I feel there is a missing voice, or perhaps a not so vocal voice, on my side of the issue. What issue is that? Women and the LDS church. It all started last September with articles about the injustice of women not having the priesthood and those same women wanting to attend priesthood session of the upcoming General Conference. Everything got stirred within me again this last week. I was talking with some neighbors who are LDS women about some issues and some people who have decided to leave the church. There was also recent article in the NY times about this that was pretty good and somewhat fair but still had to thrown in what I call the “Joanna Brooks Camp.”  I am not part of that. I tend to get frustrated when they make blanket statements as if they are talking for all women of the LDS faith. They do not and that is the reason for this blog post. 

I am a quite passionate person and this passion can push me to act rash at times but I feel also is why I feel so strongly about my faith. Let me give you some background about me and why I have the perspective I do. (Why do people always have the need to explain themselves especially when stating an opinion? To justify it? Perhaps a question for my rhetoric studying lil’ brother) I grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Utah. Yes, what you would call a typical “Mormon Girl.” I attended church weekly with my family and was involved in Primary and the Young Women program. I attended Seminary in high school and my dream was to attend BYU. I made a two-year stop at BYU-Idaho but did make it to BYU where I met my wonderful husband in our singles ward(congregation). Like I said, typical Mormon girl.

Here is where I didn't feel like I was “typical.” From about the age of 14 I had a great interest in architecture. My family built a new home and I was fascinated. I had a desire to become an architect, not the typical stay at home mom that is common in the LDS church. I also was a very independent person. I wanted to do things my way and for myself. One time a male friend of mine told me I was “dependable.” I took this that I was a great friend. No, what he meant was that I needed or depended on having a boyfriend. He also said this right before my boyfriend at the time left for an LDS mission. I was determined to prove this friend wrong and being stubborn like I am didn't have a boyfriend for two years. Also while in my first semester of college I was taking a Book of Mormon class and we were discussing foreordination in Alma 13. It was focused on male foreordination to the priesthood. I raised my hand during the discussion and basically said this is all great but what about me? Where do I fit? I don’t have the priesthood. My professor responded with a generic answer that we are mothers and all that goes with that. I was somewhat satisfied but was incredibly impressed the next time we had class. The professor got up and expressed how he had not felt he answered my question completely during the last class. He proceeded to share numerous quotes by prophets and apostles about the divine role of women. It was amazing and what I see as the start of my shift in perspective.

So with that being said are women in the LDS church equal to the men? In short, yes. I believe that. I believe that men and women have divine and also uniquely different roles that without each other cannot be perfect. Perfect like the Savior, Jesus Christ, and our Father in Heaven. That is what we are all striving for, right? My final shift in perspective was the first time I went to the temple to receive my own endowments. I was engaged to marry my husband and before being sealed in the temple I needed to be endowed. I sat there in the temple that day and learned more of what that partnership between man and woman was. The next week I was sealed for time and all eternity to my partner and eternal companion. A partnership in creating a family. A partnership in helping each other learn and grow. A partnership that can also be partnered with a loving Father in Heaven. That is why I believe women are important and equal in the LDS church.

Where am I now? I am a wife and a mother full-time, you know 24/7. I am also a part-time instructor at a small college. I teach a Computer Design class in the Interior Design department. I teach my students to draw and create floor plans and other drawings of the spaces they design. I teach a night class once a week. I have a supportive husband who leaves work 30 minutes early once a week to switch cars with me and go home with our boys. It is a small job right now and I have goals to one day own a design consulting business. We'll see where the future takes us.

Saying what I have, I don’t want to discount others feelings and past experiences that are painful or discouraging that I myself have not experienced. Those are real and can be difficult to overcome. I thankfully have never had bad experiences with my priesthood leaders. I know that some women who have not married may not feel that same faith in a partnership that right now doesn’t exist for them. But all of us are promised the blessings of heaven if we are faithful. That includes an eternal partner in the future.

This doesn't come close to all my thoughts and experiences on this subject but I feel it all comes down to a few thoughts for me. The gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect, the men and women within the church are not. This fact is why it is important that we doubt our doubts first and not our faith. I don’t understand everything and feel so inadequate at my roles and responsibilities all the time. (My husband could second that with the amount I cry to him about this and that). But when I start to doubt I go back to my faith. I have a testimony that Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and restored Christ’s church to the earth in these last days. I have a testimony that he translated the Book of Mormon and have personally read that book and have a testimony of its truthfulness. I also have a testimony that Thomas S. Monson is our living prophet today. I have a testimony that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father live. They love us and are in the details of our lives. I have a testimony that as my husband and I strive to work together toward perfection that we can gain our eternal exaltation. This is my faith and it strengthens me when I start to doubt.

Photo of the Day - A Game

This was just too perfect for today's picture. We are big BYU fans and went to the basketball game tonight. We loved watching our Cougars beat Pacific tonight!

Near the end of the game. 

Here we are cheering on the boys in blue!

What do you want for Christmas little boy?

Every time I think of sitting on Santa's lap all I can hear in my head is the scene in "A Christmas Story." Things like, "I like the Wizard of Oz. I like the Tin Man." "Football? What's a football?" On to my story:

We went to a Christmas party with my sister and the big man was there. This is the first year the Silly One has actually wanted to sit on Santa's lap and talk to him. This was a big deal. Sometimes it is hard being a parent and really knowing what your kid wants for Christmas. It is easy when they are little and they are just excited to get a present. Last year the Silly One became obsessed with wanting a Mack truck (from the Cars movies) in early December. I just kept waiting for that to happen this year because whenever I'd ask him he would make some crazy thing up (ie: a huge Santa that would move and talk on its own, seriously sounds creepy to me). I figured this was my chance, he would tell Santa what he wanted and I would finally know. 

He first stood next to Santa and talked to him. We then convinced him to sit on his lap to get a picture with Santa and the Small One. As we walked away, I asked the Silly One what he asked Santa for. He responded, "I told him I wanted a Samurai Castle just like mine for my brother." This is what Santa brought him last year. My heart melted, my sweet boy didn't ask for anything for himself but instead something he likes for his brother. (Now true, he could be thinking that if there were two he wouldn't have to share but I'll stick with the sweet thought.) What a wonderful example to me of the true Christmas spirit, being Christlike to those around us and being truly selfless. 

Thinking Positive

Yesterday was our 7 year anniversary. We recently returned home from a family reunion to Idaho and Yellowstone. My plan was to wash everything and then enjoy the evening as a family to celebrate. The Smart One and I had made plans to celebrate just the two of us next week at the OC Tanner Gift of Music Concert with James Taylor. The Smart One headed to work and I started the first load (of many) to get the wash going. I soon realized the washer wasn't working and after many internet suggestions and cleaning up water with the shop vac I was ready to give up. Not how I anticipated the day going at all. Other things happened as well that I won't go into detail, just to say that life happens. At one point the Smart One was apologizing for things not going as planned and I had the thought, it is all because Adam and Eve fell. It is part of life and although I understood it I was having a hard time not being a downer about things.
I tried to find something positive about it all and the only one I could think of was that this was the first appliance repair in all 7 years, not too bad on that front. But the thing that really changed my outlook was driving home from getting dinner and doing a couple of loads of laundry at my parent's home.
The sunset:

Sunset view from the end of our street

The sunset in itself was amazing and pictures never do them justice it seems. I remembered a silly story from when I was in high school. I had gone to Temple Square for a YW activity and I remember that night looking at the temple and seeing the sunset was purple behind it. I decided I was going to get married on that day, May 14, sometime in the future to have a purple sunset on my wedding day. Well 4 years later I got married but it was August 26 instead, and if I remember correctly the sunset was purplish that night just like last night. A small tender mercy and a blessing to see something good in frustrating life moments.

Legos and my boys!

I love being a mom, that is the truth! But to be totally honest, it is hard to be a mom. It can be exhausting and frustrating and at times bring me to tears. It is also one of the most rewarding things in the world. As hard as it is to be a mom at times I wouldn't trade it for anything, really ANYTHING. 

I had one of those great moments tonight. Usually on Thursdays I am so ready for bedtime and usually because the Smart One goes to scouts so I do bedtime solo. The Silly One wanted to play with Legos so while I was doing dinner he was working on building a race car. He got Legos for Christmas and has been loving them and is even getting pretty good at building things and modifying to make them his own. We ate dinner as a family and the Smart One was off to scouts and I cleaned up. Once the dishwasher was loaded I helped finish the race car. I got totally sucked in, we ended up making two more cars and the boys and I had a race. A race in which started simple but then the rules changed mid-race and all of a sudden the cars could fly. :) It probably sounds silly but while we were playing I had the thought how wonderful it is to be a mother of boys. I am grateful for these two crazy boys!

On a side note, I have been meaning to post the sweet flower my Silly One gave me on Mother's Day.

The middle says, "I Love My Mom because. . ."

Each petal has his answer to a question:

My favorite thing to do with my Mom: Play games

My Mom is good at: making stuff and playing basketball

My Mom is as beautiful as: a flower

My Mom teaches me: to tie my shoes

My Mom loves me because: she makes yummy stuff

My Mom makes the best: Chocolate stuff

Apparently I make a lot of good food. :) This made my day. See didn't I tell you being a Mom was the best? So worth it.

Dapper Dudes

There is seriously something I just love about church/dress clothes on little boys. Or maybe it is just my little boys. :) Yesterday before church:

 And this guy went to Nursery officially for the first time. We are looking to good times ahead at church! 

Count Your Blessings

Today I had a very real moment where I was able to reflect and realize how blessed I truly am. I think everyone has those moments where you get a little down or think "My life would be better if . . ." I honestly come home tonight and wanted cry because of how wonderfully blessed I am. My boys were already in bed and asleep. I went upstairs to check on them and kiss them "good night." I would have picked them up and hugged or rocked them. There are so many people struggling with a variety of problems and issues and as much as I wish I could change or take problems from people to help them I can't. But I am grateful for what I have. 

Our picnic at the gardens last week. 

I have a husband who loves me and my children. I have been blessed to be a mother and trusted with these two wonderful boys who make me smile and laugh everyday. We try to create a stable happy home for our family and times when I think it is far from perfect today I was grateful for where we are. I know, nothing earth shattering or new mind blowing. It is simple and that is my life. 

"Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done."  

What will you find, what has God done in your life?

Merry Christmas indeed!

Christmas was merry in every sense of the word! (The Silly One even took a nap!) It was great to see him all excited to see what Santa brought but I loved going to church. We went to my parent's ward because my sister was playing her violin and did a beautiful job! I had been thinking about how several people had told me they weren't going to church or complaining about having to go on Christmas day. My thoughts on the subject that it was a great opportunity to go to church, to celebrate the whole reason we have Christmas. To worship and give thanks to your Father in Heaven for the gift he gave all of us in His Son. Above is my favorite picture from the whole day, me and my boys after church. 

Stockings - Dec. 16

A lot about holidays that make them special are traditions, at least I think so. One of the traditions my in-laws have are their stockings. They made stockings for each of their children and when I joined the family they made on for me. They have done that with the other in-laws that have come into the family and this year they decided to do the grand-kids. So my little guys got to see their's today as we continue the stocking tradition.

Trip to Upstate New York - May 2011

My whole family went to upstate New York to see my oldest brother graduate from the University of Rochester with his PhD, yeah he is pretty smart. We had a wonderful time and were able to make incredible memories together!

The whole family in the Sacred Grove

With our 'Brother, the Doctor'!

Palmyra Temple

Sacred Grove

Sacred Grove

Emma and Mr. Knightly tree

I took so many pictures these is really a mere very small sample.