We Thank Thee, O God For a Prophet!

*This post was written the beginning of January 2018, just realized I never published it.

It's been more than a little while on here. But I wanted to share some thoughts from today. Last week our Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, died. After school today I took the kids up to Salt Lake to Pres. Monson's viewing. I was debating whether or not to take the kids. The hassle or how to handle waiting with them for a long time, possibly in the cold. Would they even be quiet when we got close? 

I started thinking when I was a child and remember my mom taking me to Pres. Benson's viewing. He is the first prophet I remember as a child. I remember waiting in line in a stairwell and finally getting to the room with a lot of flowers. I remember one of the flowers said from Ricks College and thinking I didn't really know what that was. I don't remember really seeing the prophet but just being there. As a mother now with 3 young children, I realize the effort that it took to do that. And why? I can't speak for my own mother's motivation. But for me, what I see as an adult looking back, was her expressing her testimony to her children. And today I have a testimony of living prophets and hope to teach that to my own kids. I then started thinking about other personal experiences with prophets. I remember being a BYU student attending a devotional when Pres. Hinckley spoke. I remember the feeling I had that overcame me when he walked in the Marriott Center. I knew he was a prophet of God. I remember attending the O.C. Tanner Gift of Music Concert in the Conference Center and Pres. Monson coming in and that exact feeling overcame me, he also was a prophet of God! 

So I took the kids and if nothing else I hope they remember they went. And hopefully one day they will also know that their mother has a testimony of living prophets. 

"Let us examine our lives and determine to follow the Savior's example by being kind, loving, and charitable." - Thomas S. Monson

Kindness Above All

I'm trying to grade right now as my baby takes a nap and my middle child plays Minion Rush. Usually this is semi-effective but the assignments I'm grading right now are hard ones. They are time consuming and get a bit tedious at times. 

I should be redlining assignments . . . .

The hard part for me this morning is trying to focus as I keep thinking about an email a student sent me this morning. I am finishing up my 7th year teaching at LDS Business College in a few short weeks and the email I received today is unlike any other I have received. This ending of the year brings a lot of stress to the students in my department as they prepare for their big portfolio event and graduation. They often talk about the stress they feel and times of overwhelming to do lists. I have had students in the past who have done very well, that have failed, just made it through and been average. 

This current semester I have one particular student who is struggling, in danger of failing and not graduating. This is nothing new or out of the ordinary. It has sadly happened before to others. She sat next to another student in class this week who at times has struggled but has also spent a lot of extra time to understand and is much more confident than in the past. The student who is more confident sent me an email this morning asking for help. Not for her own assignment but how she might help the struggling student, what she might be able to do. I was initially shocked, knowing how busy each student is right now. But then I thought of this student and what a Christlike example she is to care for another when she has so much on her own plate. 

As I look to celebrating Easter this Sunday I was reminded of the Savior's example of kindness and the scripture Matthew 25:40, which reads, 

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

What an eye opening reminder for me as I look to celebrating the life, death and Resurrection of my Savior this Sunday. Hallelujah for kindness!

Babies Don't Keep

I have been thinking about my children and what I can do to teach them and help them a lot the last few days. I was even thinking about writing a blog post about it also. I went to church today and was able to attend Relief Society. The lesson just happened to be on families and parenthood. It was just what I needed. I recently (probably the last month or two) read an article about a mother struggling to care for her newborn. I could really relate, it can be so straining to care for a newborn and then add other children and responsibilities. Some things don't get done each day but the baby has needs that HAVE to be taken care of. There is no saying, "I'll get to it later" or "When I have more time . . " What I gained from the article was that this woman changed her perspective to that of caring for her baby was her job, that was her primary goal to accomplish day in and day out. She found that she got more joy out of her "job" when she thought of it that way.

My thoughts started this week when I was frustrated at the condition of my home. It was a disaster, you know tornado type disaster. The things I had accomplished that day were take my kids to swimming lessons, vacuum the family room, clean the toilets, make dinner, and watched my two nieces. We had a great time with them playing, my kids love their cousins. It sounds like a lot and actually is I guess but I was frustrated when I looked around and my house was still a mess. What did I expect when the whole house wasn't vacuumed, just one room. The bathrooms weren't clean, just the toilets. I then remembered a little poem my mom had hanging up when I was a child.

"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow, 

For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

Baby #1 about 4 months old

Baby #2 about 5 months old

Baby #3 - 5 months old

My 3 babies a month ago

It is true that babies don't keep, look at them! I was about in tears when I thought of that little poem. Am I missing the point? My job is to be a mother! I need to wake up. So that night I went into their rooms and looked at them and kissed them goodnight (again). They were so sweet and peaceful just sleeping.

I often use #IAmAMother when I post things because it explains so much. Kids are crazy and our days hardly go as I plan in my mind and that is ok. I started thinking how I want my kids to remember their mother. It is a big job but I hope each day will be better and we learn from each other. I'm not perfect, far from it! I just hope to keep trying and being able to learn and play with my little ones.

One quote I loved from today's lesson was, "Do you know why righteous mothers love their children so much? Because they sacrifice so much for them. We love what we sacrifice for and we sacrifice for what we love." My own mother told me this same thing several years ago and more and more I understand not only what she was saying but what she did for her family.

Easter Thoughts

I know Easter was over a week ago but is it ever too late to post a message about Jesus? I think not. I just wanted to write down a couple of thoughts I had leading up to Easter that were started with a short and frustrating story. About two weeks before Easter we were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and asked the boys to clean up the living room to get ready for Family Home Evening (FHE). The usual whining and complaining ensued. However; the Silly One, for whatever reason, decided to throw a plastic dinosaur at the Small One and hit him right in the face. Now this wasn't done from across the room, he was a couple of feet from him. This also wasn't done with one of those little plastic dinosaurs, it was of those those about 6" or so. I was immediately so frustrated and could not comprehend the logic that caused this action.

The FHE lesson I planned was no longer going to happen as consequences were such that the Silly One was going to bed ASAP. They both got ready for bed and I remembered the Bible story picture books we have so I pulled out the Easter Story one.

We read it quickly and at the end I was struck by something so simple. After the Savior has been resurrected he appears to his disciples and in the book he said, "Go and tell the world what God has taught us: if we do bad things, we should be sorry. If other people do bad things, we should forgive them." We finished the book and had family prayer, the Silly One said sorry and the Small One forgave him. It was amazing to me what a profound lesson came from such a mess. None of our lives are perfect and not one of us is perfect, but because Jesus dies and rose on the third day we have hope for tomorrow. Hope to be better and become better. Peace through forgiveness because of His atonement. I know He lives!

Christmas of Peace!

I have had a lot of thoughts going through my mind the last few weeks. I have thoroughly enjoyed this Christmas season and I was trying to figure out yesterday what the difference was. Last night my extended family gathered for our traditional Christmas Eve program/evening. My mom gave the Christmas message. She told several stories and talked about different messages of Christmas and how they can vary each year. As I contemplated on this I realized my personal message of Christmas this year has been peace. As soon as I write that I automatically think of the countless moments and days that were not peaceful in my house leading up to Christmas and I'm sure will continue in the future. I am a mother of two young boys with a little girl on the way. That is life and so much craziness comes with that, at least in our household!

I have tried to be really organized and not stressed out. (Being pregnant has caused me to, perhaps, over plan things.) I have tried to focus more on the Savior and not on all the projects and things I need to do. I started a tradition in our family last year that each day for family scripture study we read a story about Jesus starting with his birth and Christmas Eve is His resurrection. I tried to not pack our days but do several meaningful things. Was this really the difference? Honestly I am not sure. My visiting teacher came to visit last week and the message she shared was the Savior being the Prince of Peace. This part specifically touched me:

"'The Savior is the source of true peace,' said Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. 'Even with the trials of life, because of the Savior's Atonement and His grace, righteous living will be rewarded with personal peace.'"

As she shared that with me I immediately reflected on my day. The Smart One was working late, again, the boys were at that moment being crazy/loud and running, and I was tired. There was no peace surrounding me and yet I felt it through the spirit.

I am grateful for this wonderful Christmas Season to learn about and celebrate the Savior. He truly is the way to find joy and peace in our lives. Merry Christmas!

Never Forget

13 years ago I was a senior in high school. During my first period class I received a note to go to the counselors office to discuss a issue with my schedule. I walked down there and sat to wait to talk to my counselor. As I waited I heard the radio that the secretary was listening to. I started listening and didn't believe what I was hearing. They were talking about planes crashing into buildings in New York city, the secretary started talking to others about how this couldn't be real. Was this a joke? But how could they report something so serious and have it be fake? It wasn't a joke, it happened and many innocent people died. That day seemed so surreal, still does in away.

I won't forget where I was and what I was doing that day. I also will never forget the way I looked at the community around me. For several weeks afterward you could drive through any neighborhood and American flags would be lining the streets. It was amazing to me, someone who was not quite an adult, to see people come together in that way. I didn't know anyone who lost loved ones but it didn't matter, they were Americans and so were we. People came together as Americans despite many differences and I look to that time as one I hope we can return to as a nation. "One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

This morning I told my husband I was conflicted as to which flag to hang up. BYU plays tonight and I usually hang the Y flag for game day. But as I walked with my oldest to school I had the thought that I'm an American first, no matter what else. I also saw a creative option and followed suit when I got home.

"How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!" - Thomas Jefferson

Women and the LDS Church

I started a similar post last fall, it started to take a contentious tone so I stopped and never posted it. I hope that I can just convey my thoughts and opinions as a way of understanding. I feel the need to write down my feelings and thoughts no matter if no one else reads them. I know that not everyone agrees with me but I feel there is a missing voice, or perhaps a not so vocal voice, on my side of the issue. What issue is that? Women and the LDS church. It all started last September with articles about the injustice of women not having the priesthood and those same women wanting to attend priesthood session of the upcoming General Conference. Everything got stirred within me again this last week. I was talking with some neighbors who are LDS women about some issues and some people who have decided to leave the church. There was also recent article in the NY times about this that was pretty good and somewhat fair but still had to thrown in what I call the “Joanna Brooks Camp.”  I am not part of that. I tend to get frustrated when they make blanket statements as if they are talking for all women of the LDS faith. They do not and that is the reason for this blog post. 

I am a quite passionate person and this passion can push me to act rash at times but I feel also is why I feel so strongly about my faith. Let me give you some background about me and why I have the perspective I do. (Why do people always have the need to explain themselves especially when stating an opinion? To justify it? Perhaps a question for my rhetoric studying lil’ brother) I grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Utah. Yes, what you would call a typical “Mormon Girl.” I attended church weekly with my family and was involved in Primary and the Young Women program. I attended Seminary in high school and my dream was to attend BYU. I made a two-year stop at BYU-Idaho but did make it to BYU where I met my wonderful husband in our singles ward(congregation). Like I said, typical Mormon girl.

Here is where I didn't feel like I was “typical.” From about the age of 14 I had a great interest in architecture. My family built a new home and I was fascinated. I had a desire to become an architect, not the typical stay at home mom that is common in the LDS church. I also was a very independent person. I wanted to do things my way and for myself. One time a male friend of mine told me I was “dependable.” I took this that I was a great friend. No, what he meant was that I needed or depended on having a boyfriend. He also said this right before my boyfriend at the time left for an LDS mission. I was determined to prove this friend wrong and being stubborn like I am didn't have a boyfriend for two years. Also while in my first semester of college I was taking a Book of Mormon class and we were discussing foreordination in Alma 13. It was focused on male foreordination to the priesthood. I raised my hand during the discussion and basically said this is all great but what about me? Where do I fit? I don’t have the priesthood. My professor responded with a generic answer that we are mothers and all that goes with that. I was somewhat satisfied but was incredibly impressed the next time we had class. The professor got up and expressed how he had not felt he answered my question completely during the last class. He proceeded to share numerous quotes by prophets and apostles about the divine role of women. It was amazing and what I see as the start of my shift in perspective.

So with that being said are women in the LDS church equal to the men? In short, yes. I believe that. I believe that men and women have divine and also uniquely different roles that without each other cannot be perfect. Perfect like the Savior, Jesus Christ, and our Father in Heaven. That is what we are all striving for, right? My final shift in perspective was the first time I went to the temple to receive my own endowments. I was engaged to marry my husband and before being sealed in the temple I needed to be endowed. I sat there in the temple that day and learned more of what that partnership between man and woman was. The next week I was sealed for time and all eternity to my partner and eternal companion. A partnership in creating a family. A partnership in helping each other learn and grow. A partnership that can also be partnered with a loving Father in Heaven. That is why I believe women are important and equal in the LDS church.

Where am I now? I am a wife and a mother full-time, you know 24/7. I am also a part-time instructor at a small college. I teach a Computer Design class in the Interior Design department. I teach my students to draw and create floor plans and other drawings of the spaces they design. I teach a night class once a week. I have a supportive husband who leaves work 30 minutes early once a week to switch cars with me and go home with our boys. It is a small job right now and I have goals to one day own a design consulting business. We'll see where the future takes us.

Saying what I have, I don’t want to discount others feelings and past experiences that are painful or discouraging that I myself have not experienced. Those are real and can be difficult to overcome. I thankfully have never had bad experiences with my priesthood leaders. I know that some women who have not married may not feel that same faith in a partnership that right now doesn’t exist for them. But all of us are promised the blessings of heaven if we are faithful. That includes an eternal partner in the future.

This doesn't come close to all my thoughts and experiences on this subject but I feel it all comes down to a few thoughts for me. The gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect, the men and women within the church are not. This fact is why it is important that we doubt our doubts first and not our faith. I don’t understand everything and feel so inadequate at my roles and responsibilities all the time. (My husband could second that with the amount I cry to him about this and that). But when I start to doubt I go back to my faith. I have a testimony that Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and restored Christ’s church to the earth in these last days. I have a testimony that he translated the Book of Mormon and have personally read that book and have a testimony of its truthfulness. I also have a testimony that Thomas S. Monson is our living prophet today. I have a testimony that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father live. They love us and are in the details of our lives. I have a testimony that as my husband and I strive to work together toward perfection that we can gain our eternal exaltation. This is my faith and it strengthens me when I start to doubt.